Broomfield Players in Pub... Shock, Horror

Friday 3rd December saw something unusual: a Broomfield Christmas piss-up taking place relatively near to Christmas. The venue, for reasons long since forgotten, was The Victoria in Surbiton. There was initial despair at the news that club benefactor Mark Webster would not be in attendance but after nearly two seconds everyone got over it and instead celebrated the rare sighting of a Howard Pryce out on a Friday night.

While the old boys settled for traditional ales and stouts, the youngsters preferred premium lagers, bottled ciders and any weird tasting liquors that ended in 'a'. For just about the first time in Broomfield history there were also numerous bribes for the Boss. As a result, Harle, Murray, Sales and Taylor are all guaranteed places for the rest of the season.

Olly Sales left early to prepare for another hard day's toil at TK Max while Jon Lewis quietly slipped away into Kingston in the vain hope that some old slappers might actually talk to him without Stephen Taylor in tow.

The most distressing part of the evening followed complaints from some old biddy that some of the team were employing rather too many expletives. As some of the older heads moved in to defuse the situation, there was an unsavoury moment when Nich "The Shredder" Hills outrageously pulled up George Owens' hood, justifiably leading to the Walton postie's claim that his human rights had been infringed. In the ensuing brouhaha, the hostelry owner suggested that our erstwhile centre-back may care to leave the premises. He then decamped to the Coronation where he was joined by the Boss and the rest of the yoof. However, shortly afterwards, showing remarkable presence of mind, he threw himself out, followed by his faithful batman Willie Stephenson.

Those still standing then retired to a local restaurant and were shocked to discover that Nicko Coode wasn't in there.

But the festivities didn't end there. The following day, Messrs Hills, Preston and Pryce Jnr travelled up to North London along with other former Broomfield faces Jim Aylward, Nicko Coode and Ian Wilson to watch Fulham unluckily lose at the Goonerdrome. They were joined by almost-Broomfield player Stuart "I like 'em thin" Tanner and the club's chief scout Brian Blessed.

In attendance: Sam Aylward, Simon Bowell, Richard Brown, James Everett, Nigel Gardner, Lloyd Harle, Nich Hills, Richard Kane, Jon Lewis, Scott Murray, Davoud Nadjafi, George Owens, David Preston, Howard Pryce, Jon Pryce, Stuart Ramsey, Olly Sales, Will Stephenson, Stephen Taylor