New Club President

At a meeting of former club secretaries who went under the name of Richard Westney, it was unanimously decided that Richard Westney will henceforth assume the role of Broomfield's Honorary Life President. In assuming the role, Richard is following in a long line of prestigious holders of the title, including John Couper and, er, that's it.

The 2010 Michael Brown Memorial Cup Match

Yoof Team 2 Nadjafi, Brown

Old Boys 1 Preston (pen)

Despite many expectations and predictions, the second annual Michael Brown Memorial Cup was a rip-roaring success. And painful as it is to report, the old boys, almost to a man, were exceptional; it was almost as though Cher herself had come along to turn back time to an era when Broomfield and slick, passing football were inextricably linked. What made this all the more remarkable was that there never actually was a time when Broomfield and slick, passing football were inextricably linked.

As kick-off approached, Yoof team manager David Preston unveiled his revolutionary new formation, so revolutionary in fact that it only consisted of nine outfield players. Once this slight oversight was rectified, the '11th' man Davoud Nadjafi made an almost instant impact by chipping the man mountain Paul Adams for an outrageous opening goal from all of 134 yards. But any thoughts of a Yoof goal-fest were quickly discounted as the Old Boys responded with a series of rapier-like counter thrusts (albeit a fairly sedate rapier).

H put David Lloyd through only to be denied by a save from Scott Adams... yes you read it here first" "Adams" and "save" in the same sentence. The carrot-topped poacher also did some fairly girly movements in the opposition penalty area, reminding us all of that record-breaking season in Australia where he scored 187 goals in just two games, while at the same time rewriting the rulebook on furniture relocation.

The Yoof did have a glorious chance to extended the lead when referee 'Dead-Eye' Dicky Westney pointed to the penalty spot (actually a mole-hill in the middle of the area). To the incredulity of anyone who'd ever watched him play football, Stuart Ramsey then stepped forward to take the spot-kick. Displaying a skill and poise that reminded spectators of Monty Pansesar coming out to bat against Glenn McGrath, the fleet-footed speedster duly dispatched the ball in the general direction of the Reigate bypass.

The oldtimers continued to confound critics and care-workers alike by more than holding their own in the second half. Paul Adams, in particular, proved that everything really does come to those who wait by producing a number of fine saves to deny the Yoof team's pugnacious strike fore, led by the inimitable 'Deadly' Dougie Brown.

However, Old Father Time's creeping influence on the game finally started to win through. Luke Gardner's blistering header rattled the crossbar and soon after one of the 37 Browns on the pitch extended the youngsters' lead following a goalmouth scramble. Despite Adams' efforts, the game's outstanding piece of custodian craftsmanship came from Jon "Quiet As A Church Mouse" Lewis, who brilliantly turned over a stunning Mark Webster strike.

It was round about this time that the old-boys coach Kipper Kane finally gave way to the baying fans and introduced his secret weapon. Forming Broomfield's first-ever twin-pronged Ginger strike force, David Preston soon proved his worth. Causing turmoil in the opposition penalty box, he was the victim of a cruel, scything tackle from a Yoof team player who had tried to fox the lanky line-leader by employing a Klingon Invisibility Shield.

However, referee Westney is nobody's fool (well he is actually but never mind) and immediately pointed to the spot. After receiving lengthy treatment for a suspected fractured nose-hair, Preston dusted himself down and stepped up to fire a rasping right-footed drive past the hapless Lewis.

Soon after, Westney signalled the end to a game full of drama, passion, skill and tight red shorts. Ali Kane won the penalty competition, though sadly his father's team were disqualified from the Relay Race after blatantly cheating.

PS To anyone from Sainsbury's in Weybridge who is reading this, the Baker Bill Stephenson mentioned in the above report is in no way connected to the Baker Bill Stephenson who failed to make it into work on Sunday due to a serious case of food poisoning

Man of the Match was Baker Bill Stephenson

Old (and rich) Man of the Match was HRH Lord Flagshorts of Monte

Goal of the Match: Dav

Old Gits: Paul Adams, Glenn Moore, Nick Hills, Simon Bowell, Richard Brown, Jon Pryce, Mark Webster, Nick Clarke, David Lloyd, Matt Lloyd, Howard Pryce, Stuart Wilson, Dougie Brown, David Preston

Yoofers: Scott Adams, Jon Lewis, Dan Gardner, Will Stephenson, Owen Westney, George Owens, Luke Gardner, Stuart Ramsey, Cameron Ramsey, Mike Brown, Jonny Brown, Lawrence Brown, Freddie Brown, Davoud Nadjafi, Dougie Brown

Referee: Richard Westney